October

In the mix tonight:

• Party in the USA: Miley Cyrus
• No Air: Jordin Sparks ft. lady hitter McButtface (I am an adult I swear)
• In da club: 50cent
• Shots: LMFAO
• Doing something Right: Billy Currington
• Forever: Drake
• Girlfriend: Avril Lavigne

I started out running pretty strong but with Miley Cyrus blasting it's impossible not to fail, right? Nothing like a trampy teen to keep me motivated. 50 cent - always a classic 'nuff said. LMFAO, I still don't know what that stands for but I think I can make a pretty educated guess; that song always reminds me of the Kardashians and for no good reason what so ever I love those ladies. In my opinion the sign of a strong runner is someone who can listen to chill tunes, zone out and run. I am not one of those people. When I run there has to be either a night club blasting in my ears or just one step short of a mosh pit. With Billy Currington I can make an exception.

Ahhh Billy Currington. He's a wonderful combination of my favorite things - scruff, tan, muscles, sailing(!), musical talent and my favorite - a big nose. What can I say I love a big shnozz? Did I mention the blue eyes?!? So dreamy... The nice thing about running on a track is that I can close my eyes on the straights and think about Billy... Unfortunately that can only last so long and I have to put on something with a little more pizazz. (Nothing like a little eye candy to get the blog rolling) Thankfully the song Forever came on next. The thing about 'Forever' is that it features some great artists, a little Kanye (he's not so great...), some weezy (and I'm not talking about my lungs, I mean the real deal - Lil' Wayne), and my favorite Eminem. Unfortunately Eminem's part isn't until the very end of the song so I had to run an extra lap to hear the whole thing (I can't skimp out on the real slim shady now, can I?). Either Eminem's rap was too short or I wasn't running fast enough (which one, which one?) but I had to finish the lap with Avril. I'm pretty sure I heard some tell me that 8th grade called and asked for it's music back as I zoomed past them but I could have just imagined that... All in all it was a successful jaunt around the ol' track. I ran 2.25 miles and then walked 1/2 a mile cool down. I started out going really hard but by the end I was pretty tired. I drank a baby Red Bull during my three hour class and I think it gave me a little extra kick because I didn't start dragging till the last two laps.

On a different note, this is national LGBT history month. LGBT stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. October 11th is National 'Coming-Out' day. At Trinity we have a great LGBT club (or group, I guess) and on the 11th we celebrated National Coming Out day. The LGBT club put up a table in our esplanade and handed out blank name tags that say I'm coming out as "fill in the blank.' The fill in the blank doesn't have to be your sexuality. You see people walking around with "I'm coming out as having great confidence," "being a fake blonde" or "having depression." It was really about anything you want to say. I think that it would be great if in the blog world we had a 'coming out' day or movement where we have a 'coming out' post. This isn't so much about sexuality as it is about owning it - to borrow a phrase from Rachel Wilkerson (if you haven't checked our her blog you MUST, it's fabulous). To kick it off I'll do my own little 'coming out.'

I'm coming out as insecure. Thankfully nowadays flaunting your insecurity isn't really a good thing and I do my best not to make it known. No one wants to be around that girl (or guy) that constantly asks you if "I look fat?" or that wallows in their low self-esteem. This can really hurt friendships and make things awkward. When the girl next to you that weighs 20lbs. less its talking about how 'fat' they are that affects you. I know when I'm in this situation I think "it they think that about themselves, what do they think of me?" Needless to say I don't want to hang out with this person so I do my best not to be this person. One would think that being in a sorority would make you feel more insecure. In my case it's the opposite. All the girls in my sorority try to make you feel good about your body or intelligence or whatever it is you can feel insecure about. I love this about my sisters! Regardless, insecurity is a huge part of my life. For me it's hard to admit it. I live with three beautiful, gorgeous women and insecurity creeps up on me by being around so much foxiness ;). I do my best to act confident and hide my low self-esteem. If people have the bravery to face adversity by declaring their sexuality, I can sure as hell muster up some moxy to admit that I'm insecure. For me my 'confidence' is about is all about faking it till you make it. If i'm going to 'hit the clubs,' even if I don't feel totally kick ass in my new dress I'm definitely not going to make that visible. I'm not going to lie, acting like you have self-confidence actually makes you feel more self-confident! The blog world is full of beautiful, healthy strong confident women and it's hard for me to admit on here that I have debilitating insecurity that has (thankfully!) improved by blogging. I'm coming out as insecure.

I don't want this to offend anyone or make anyone feel bad. Coming out is a serious thing and I think that we can all take a cue from the strong individuals who share their sexuality with the world and muster up even a quarter of the strength they have to come out with something that maybe not everyone knows. This doesn't have to be a negative fact. Coming out as "someone with kick ass quads" or a "strong runner" is awesome! Just the same it's empowering to come out with something maybe you feel insecure about like coming out as someone "being afraid of gaining back the weight they loss" or "afraid of what's going to happen after grad school, or university, or after they have a baby." So if you can do a 'coming out' post or tweet or even a comment on this page that would be awesome! Coming out is a great thing and we should all do more of it!

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